Hey, Facebook? Hi. Soozcat here.
There isn't really any graceful way to put this, so -- this relationship just isn't working. It's time we put an end to it.
Are you sure you want to know why? You're not going to like it.
Well, to put it bluntly, you're a pimp.
It started out fun, so I didn't notice at first that you were selling me, in every way you could think of, to the highest bidder. Yes, you claim you're "free and always will be," but only under the most legalistic definition of "free" -- that is, not having to pay you to sign up. But there are so many things you've asked me for ever since -- the schools I've attended, the jobs I've held, my religious beliefs, the political parties I've belonged to -- all kinds of valuable information you can use to sell me to tailored advertisers. You've used the lure of family and friends to get me to spend long hours of my life with you, to engage with you when I should just be going about the business of living.
And in the last few years you've gotten weird. Jealous. Possessive. You're throttling back my access to family and friends, and demanding that I pay you if I want the access I used to have. (So much for "free and always will be," ne?) You're allowing researchers to mess with my emotions. You're reading my private messages on the sly. You're creepy and manipulative, and I can't trust you with sensitive information -- if indeed I ever could.
Last week you didn't ask -- you demanded that I give you my legal name. And I refused, because that was my particular line in the sand. I'm old-fashioned enough to need a certain amount of privacy and security, and that means I use a pseudonym online -- not to defraud or confuse anyone, but as a way of maintaining that privacy.
You demanded again. I refused again, citing my reasons.
And now you've locked me out, unless and until I provide you with multiple forms of identification proving my full legal name. As though you fancy yourself some kind of... bureaucrat. I can tell you right now that's not going to happen.
So, not only are you a pimp, you're devolving into an abusive pimp.
Believe me, I've already considered what will happen next. You're not the only game in town, but you're still the biggest game in town. I know that losing my account with you means effectively being cut off from the company of my family, my friends, my neighbors. I know you're counting on my love for them, my desire to stay in touch easily, to make me comply with your insane demands.
But you know what, Facebook? I've had about all I can take from you.
So if you won't let me use the name I've chosen, go ahead and purge my account. Wipe away any trace that I was ever there. I'll miss my friends, but I won't miss you or your continuing efforts to turn me into a valuable revenue stream.
You can choose to go on being a pimp, if that's what you want. But I refuse to be your whore.