The definition of vile

One of the things I've started to discover, since becoming a cyclops, is just how many unscrupulous people are trying to make a quick buck from scamming the cyclops community. The ADA claims that keeping your blood sugar below 180 mg/dl is a healthy target. Sugar-free candies are usually made with maltitol despite the fact that this particular cheap sugar alcohol gives most people horrible diarrhea, and raises the blood sugar of the lucky few who don't get an atomic case of the runs. Certain companies which target diabetics and low-carb dieters offer a discount off your next order if you rave about their mediocre-to-barely-edible foodstuffs on your blog. (No fear of that happening; fool me once...) News outlets prematurely and inaccurately claim a super-low-calorie diet can "cure" Type 2 diabetes (take a close look at the total number of participants in this jaw-droppingly tiny study). And so on, and so on. It's frustrating, it's dishonest and it cheeses me off.

Here's the latest disappointment:
Hershey's Sugar Free Syrup. OK, so the Hershey name isn't exactly associated with haute cuisine, but when you're jonesing for something chocolatey, a squirt of regular Hershey's syrup on top of some vanilla ice cream or swirled into a glass of cold milk usually does the trick, right?

No! No, children! Run away! Run for the thicket! Don't look back!

Hershey's Sugar Free Syrup is sweetened with a combination of erythritol, acesulfame potassium and sucralose. Strangely, not shown in the ingredients list is some sort of eldritch ichor from Hades that gives the syrup a strange non-syrupy consistency, a weird chemical smell and an even weirder sharp, acrid aftertaste. Thanks to its super-mephitic nature, this syrup will not dissolve in cow's milk or almond milk, sullenly clumping to itself and refusing to mingle with the liquid no matter how long or how vigorously you stir in the attempt to get it to make friends. Or perhaps it's the milk itself that valiantly resists the viscous abomination in its midst. It was in fact so evil-tasting that I had to scrape the goop off my vanilla ice cream. In one word: vile. This product masqueraded under the good name of a better-tasting product to tempt me into buying it, but like all evil things it was ultimately a sham and a grave disappointment -- not to mention a thorough waste of my time, money and calories.

Although I'm not sure whether USPS restrictions on transporting hazardous waste will apply in this case, I'm still going to try packaging this bottle up and shipping it back to The Hershey Company, along with a letter telling them precisely what I think of it and of the whoreson villains responsible for marketing it. If they deign to respond, I'll post it here. In the meantime, if you're diabetic or you're just trying to avoid sugar consumption, DO NOT BUY THIS PRODUCT. IT IS UTTER CRAP.

You're welcome.

The things you learn from a hobby

As previously mentioned, Mom and Jenny were here visiting earlier in the month. It's always fun to have them visit. We went for drives around Seattle, had an impromptu picnic at Golden Gardens, and otherwise goofed off.

Jenny was, as always, thrilled by the Pike Place Market gum wall.

Mom rockin' her Jackie O'Nasties at Golden Gardens! Yeah mommy!

(Images stolen courtesy of Jenny.)

I don't want this to turn into an all-geocaching, all-the-time type of blog because I don't want to try anyone's patience. With that said, I have come across some interesting sights and discovered some fascinating things lately while out seeking caches with my honey.

One of them is Haida House Studio.

Here's what it looks like now. (You can click on the picture for a larger image.)

Image courtesy Redmond Historical Society

And here's what it looked like back in the 1980s, when it was in use.

Haida House, located on the Sammamish River Trail, was for many years the art studio of Dudley C. Carter, a true Northwest original. Carter was born in 1891 in New Westminster, B.C., the son of pioneers from Barbados and Quebec. He was raised among the Kwakiutl and Tlingit tribes of the Northwest and his later art was strongly affected by their artistic styles. Starting life as a logger and forest engineer, Carter later became a master woodcarver. He carved wood with simple tools, including a wood axe, and often chose Native American legends as subjects for his sculptures. He moved to the state of Washington in 1928, residing there for the remainder of his long life.

Carter participated in the Art in Action project during the 1939 Golden Gate International Exposition, held on Treasure Island in San Francisco. While there he befriended muralist Diego Rivera, who described Carter as a thoroughly American artist whose art was at once truly native and truly his own. His sculptures are on display all up and down the West Coast of the United States, and a few of his pieces are in Germany and Japan as well. Carter, who subscribed to a regimen of regular diet and exercise and who ate apples nearly every day of his life, became a King County Artist in Residence at the age of 96; he died after a short illness in April 1992, a month shy of his 101st birthday.

Several of Carter's wooden sculptures are on display in the Puget Sound area, including the Redmond Regional Library, along the Sammamish River Trail and behind the Seattle Art Museum. This last sculpture, "Rivalry of the Winds," was originally on display inside the Garden Court of the museum, but was later relegated to the outside of the building and allowed to deteriorate. When Carter approached the museum to ask about repairing the piece himself, he was informed that the SAM's code of ethics forbade changing the character of the original piece by restoration (even by the original artist, apparently). At the time of his death, no repairs had been made to the sculpture. (It's since been relegated to the foyer of the Redmond Regional Library.)

The City of Redmond has a small treasure in Haida House that is likewise being allowed to rot. It has not been opened or used for several years, and the moss is growing thick upon the roof and up the ramp to the single door in the back of the structure. Haida House was constructed without nails or hardware, and Carter's original plan was to embellish the structure with the same totem-like carvings shown on the outer-facing wall of the studio. Its southeast-facing windows --the only windows in the structure, apparently glassless and open to the light and air -- have been boarded over with plywood panels, perhaps for good.

When you come upon this structure unexpectedly, you are astonished by its beauty. The totemic carvings on the roof and walls draw you in. You want to see more detail.

The enigmatic expressions on the faces of the figures lead you to ask the obvious questions: Who lived in this place? What it was used for? But there is no clue to be found on or around the structure or the grounds -- not even a brief plaque about Carter or a signpost indicating that this is Slough House Park. There is nothing at all. The city has provided neatly mowed lawns and a few picnic tables, but the studio of a truly notable American artist receives no other recognition.

Here's another thing: I drive past this little park almost every day in my car. The house with the totemic carvings is set back far enough from the road that it isn't easily visible. It's less than a mile from my home, as the crow flies -- and until yesterday, I didn't even know it was there.

Something is wrong with this picture.

Geocaching, waymarking and other assorted geekery

Early this year I mentioned that I'd been poking around in the world of geocaching. "Poking around" is probably still the most accurate term for what I've been doing, as I don't have a GPS device and therefore must usually rely on Captain Midnight's trusty smartphone (with its handy-dandy geocaching app). Instead I've gotten into waymarking, geocaching's sister hobby, which usually doesn't require GPS navigation -- it's a bit like a worldwide photo scavenger hunt. CM has gotten much more involved in geocaching; he is starting to take more circuitous routes home from work, the better to find additional local caches, my dear.

On the 10th and 11th, we attended the annual ward campout at a nearby county park. (All those little bumps to the left in the picture are the tops of tents showing above the high grass.) Lots of families showed up and brought their kids. Miss V chose not to attend this year, as 1) she is not a big fan of camping on any occasion and 2) my mom and sister were visiting at the time, and neither of them particularly wanted to go camping, so they all stayed home. Silly them.

CM brought along his smartphone, having determined ahead of time that there were as many as 15 caches in the park. When it got to the time of the day when kids usually start getting bored and fidgety, Captain Midnight pulled out his phone and casually asked, "Who wants to go treasure hunting with us?" That got some attention. Some of the kids were skeptical that there was really treasure hidden anywhere in the park, so we took them to find a nearby cache box. It was both easy to find and laden with goodies, so their curiosity was piqued.

We took them to another small cache... and then it was time to tackle the bridge.

Here's the pedestrian suspension bridge spanning the river, with the Pied Piper-like Captain Midnight leading the pack running pell-mell toward the center.

And here's the river itself, with another vehicle bridge visible in the distance.

The kids did a bang-up job of searching for a teeny cache that was supposedly hidden somewhere on the bridge, but could not find it. We wondered if perhaps someone had dropped it in the river by mistake.

And then, mysteriously...

...it snowed. In June.

It's cottonwood season here, and the trees were casting off fluff in such quantities that the whole area looked like a snowglobe for five minutes. Rather a magical occurrence (unless you happen to be allergic to cottonwood, which I thankfully don't seem to be).

After a long and fruitless walk deep into the woods to look for another cache, we returned to camp to brag about our exploits, and to make and eat s'mores. (No, don't worry, I was good and did not eat s'mores, though I did steal a small square of chocolate or two.)

We visited the campground restroom to prepare for bed...

...where I came across yet another iteration of the famous "Push Button, Receive Bacon" sign. (Lies, I tell you. I pushed that button three times and didn't get so much as a bacon bit.)

In the morning, the bacon situation was rectified by the manly men of the ward, who got up early and cooked breakfast for all who had stayed overnight.

Speaking of manly men, who is this strapping specimen muscling his way through the underbrush?

It's Captain Midnight! My hero! And he seems to have brought a drum! GIT DOWN TO THE FUNKY BEAT.

Actually, CM was on the premises to help deconstruct our nifty tent, which goes up and down in almost less time than it takes to tell about it.

Now you see it...

...now you don't.

After packing up and loading the car, we goofed around for a bit in the area. Found another cache and a waymarking site, picked up ludicrously cheap locally grown asparagus at a farm, and considered wandering down this trail:

Seriously, wouldn't you? Too bad it was closed for maintenance. Perhaps later in the year.

Also, serendipitous emu sighting!

And then we drove home, passing a pack of racing cyclists en route. The end.

Whew.

1) I am still alive.

2) Family is here right now, so I haven't set aside much time to blog.

3) When I finally do get back to blogging, I'm sure I will have a few interesting things to write about, so that's good.

Widdle wild wabbits

(Yes, even the title is putting me into a diabetic coma. But come on, are these not SO SWEET?)

So today Captain Midnight was out being Manly Man Who Does Manly Lawn Care, and as he was weed-whacking the edges of the yard, he looked down into a window well and saw two trapped baby wild rabbits. So he fished them out and brought them into the house.

They were cute and teeny and probably scared out of their wits, poor things.

We took a few pictures, and then CM decided (quite rightly) to minimize contact by putting them into a box for a short while. Not only is too much handling likely to kill a wild rabbit, but they also often carry fleas and the risk of diseases, which could likewise be dangerous for us.

The white blaze on the forehead indicates that this baby rabbit is still nursing and should not be away from its mother for long.

After a few minutes of "yikes predators!", these two started moving around the box and sniffing lettuce and bits of jicama.

Miss V took it upon herself to be their protector. She kept watch over the box, talking to the rabbits and singing little songs to them. I have no idea whether this helped calm them.

After a while, CM and Miss V let them go in the vacant lot next door (where most of the rabbits in our neighborhood seem to live). They were a little shellshocked from their experience with scary humans, but I think they will soon recover and hop away once we give them some distance. We'll go out again in an hour and check on them.

ETA: Captain Midnight used his binoculars to spy on them from a distance. They seem to have disappeared into the brush.

What does a cyclops eat?

About a month ago I learned something disconcerting from the doctor. Since then I've been coming to terms with the fact that I have an incurable disease (one unlikely to be cured any time in future, as long as Type 2 diabetes is perceived as "a disease you brought on yourself by overeating," which the most recent research refutes, and as long as so many groups stand to profit more from "diabetic maintenance" than from finding a real cure. At least I'm less bitter about this than I was a month ago) and the things I need to do to take care of myself. Some days are easy, others less so.

A few friends have asked me what I can and cannot eat now. It's a good question. I can't presume to answer this question for all diabetics, as different people have different levels of pancreatic function, metabolize foods at a different rate, etc. Personally, I've chosen to keep my blood glucose within normal, non-diabetic ranges at all times (about 80-130 mg/dl) by eating a low-carbohydrate diet. By "low-carbohydrate" I mean always less than 100 grams of carbs per day, and usually less than 60 grams of carbs per day. This and metformin have helped me bring my sugars down to normal ranges within 2 weeks of being diagnosed. Staying in this zone is most likely to reduce my chances of developing complications later in life.

So, for those who really wanna know, my recommendations:

1. PLEASE IGNORE THE DIABETIC DIET RECOMMENDATIONS OF THE AMERICAN DIABETES ASSOCIATION. Based on its recommendations, the name is either a grave misnomer or this is an association whose secret aim is to promote diabetes. As I've mentioned elsewhere, I've started to think of carbohydrates as though they were measured doses of radiation -- my body can handle small amounts spread out over time, but too much too quickly will create serious health consequences. The ADA recommends a much higher-carbohydrate diet than is healthy for most diabetics; to extend the analogy, it would be like suggesting the best way to treat radiation sickness is by bathing people in more radiation. But then, the ADA claims that blood glucose levels anywhere below 180 mg/dl are "well-controlled," when numerous studies have suggested that 140 mg/dl is the upper limit threshold beyond which complications like retinopathy (uncontrolled bleeding in the eyes), neuropathy (nerve damage in the hands and feet) and nephropathy (kidney damage) are likely to occur. Already seen that happen with other people, don't care to have that happen to me, thanks.

OK, rant over, you can come back now.

2. Zero-carb or low-carb foods are very welcome. I've started obsessively reading the Nutrition Facts labels at the grocery store; I try to pick items that are either carb-free or have less than 10 grams of net carbohydrate per serving. Examples of these include every type of cheese, most lunchmeats, sugar-free Jello, plain yogurt, beef jerky, smoked salmon, nuts, hummus, and a wide variety of non-starchy vegetables. I try to stick to only the lowest-carb fruits for now. You can estimate the net-carb status of a food by looking at the total grams of carbohydrates per serving and subtracting the grams of fiber per serving.

3. I drink a lot... of water. I also sometimes drink unsweetened almond milk (lower in carbs than regular milk, and I like the taste much better than soy milk) and the occasional sugar-free soda (hel-loooo Root Beer Store, it's me again!). I've discovered that not all sugar-free sodas are created equal. Also that not all "diet" sodas are sugar-free, so read those labels.

4. Alternative sweeteners such as granulated sucralose, DaVinci sugar-free syrups, erythritol and stevia are very welcome once in a while when the sweet tooth hits. I try to avoid the other sugar alcohols such as xylitol and maltitol because, well, frankly, they bring on diarrhea. I'm also cautious about ingesting a lot of aspartame (aka NutraSweet) because it contains phenylalanine -- and although there's currently no indication why this is, diabetics tend to have unusually high amounts of certain amino acids circulating in their blood, including phenylalanine. (Incidentally, clearing up these amino acids in the blood -- usually through gastric bypass surgery -- seems to "cure" diabetes, or at least put it into remission.)

5. I have cut starches and high-sugar foods out of my diet. These include potatoes, rice, corn, oatmeal, beans, grains, many fruits, sugar, honey, and anything made with more than trace amounts of these ingredients. Yes, I know some of these foods are "good for you," but they're not good for me based on what they do to my blood sugar -- especially rice. I love rice, and I miss it, but I'm not willing to go blind or lose my kidney function for a plate of pilaf. Brown rice and whole wheat bread/pasta raise my blood sugars just as much as white rice and white bread/pasta do -- the spike just arrives a few hours later.

6. "Gluten-free" foods are not necessarily good for diabetics. (I, for one, have no problem digesting gluten -- my trouble is too many carbs.) You can also safely ignore the "low glycemic index" foods, as the glycemic index is determined by testing the blood sugar rise caused by specific foods on people with normal pancreatic function, which diabetics, by definition, do not have. For us it's all about the carbs, people.

7. Sometimes I'd rather have a tiny bit of the real thing than gobs and gobs of an ersatz approximation. This is especially true of dark chocolate. One small square of real dark chocolate, dissolving slowly on my tongue, is better than a whole bar of most sugar-free chocolates on the market. Oh. Yeah. Baby.

8. Argonauts. They're low in carbs.

Now, you might think that my food options are pretty limited, but it's not as bad as it looks. The Internet is a great resource for general information about diabetes, recipes that work with low-carb eating, and free sites to track weight loss and exercise targets. The world is full of brilliant creative people who have not only figured out how to make truly diabetic-friendly recipes from soup to nuts, but who are kind enough to share their know-how with others. More and more restaurants are providing nutrition information on request, and although the accuracy of this information sometimes comes into question, at least it allows Type 2 diabetics like me to make a ballpark estimate of how many carbs they're eating.

All told, it's a good time to be sick.