The Tik-Tok brain

(No, this is not about the app. You young whippersnappers get off my lawn.)

If you haven't already seen the 1985 film Return to Oz, go watch it right now. I know you signed up for Disney+, so just go. I'll wait.

Now wasn't that fun? One of the most visually arresting, creepiest bits of nightmare fuel ever made for kids! And a teeny Fairuza Balk in the lead role!

So if you haven't already guessed from the title of this piece, I want to discuss the shiny golden character with big green eyes, appropriately named Tik-Tok. If you cheated and didn't watch the movie or read the Oz books, Tik-Tok is a mechanical man, what would now be described as clockpunk, as his workings are all wind-up. He has three separate keys to wind: one that runs his thinking, one for his speech, one for his action. These have to be rewound each time they run down, and Tik-Tok himself cannot wind them, so he has to rely on others to make sure his inner workings continue to run.

Tik-Tok's workings all run at different rates and it's impossible for him to predict when one of his keys needs to be rewound, so he gets into several scrapes where something randomly runs down. Sometimes it's his action, as he grinds to a sudden halt at the worst possible moment. Sometimes it's his speech, as he goes unexpectedly mute. Once, hilariously, his thinking runs down and he thrashes about and spews gibberish at the other characters.

Tik-Tok isn't stupid or lazy. He's a machine who works exactly as he was designed to work. Wind-up clockwork eventually runs down, so you can't fault him for that. It's just that the folks who designed him didn't stop to consider how much easier it would be for Tik-Tok to run on a single wind-up mainspring that could handle all his inner workings at once.

Is it just me or does Tik-Tok look a little like Groucho Marx in this one? Just me then.

So if I were pressed to explain what it's like to have a brain with executive function deficits -- and really, ADD should more properly be called "executive function deficit disorder" -- I might begin with a Tik-Tok analogy. If you have a typical brain, you could think of it as running on a single, synchronized mainspring. Yes, it eventually runs down; you can tell because your thinking gets fuzzy, your speech gets slow or garbled, you don't have enough energy to do things. When all these things happen, you know it's time to get rewound (ideally, this means getting some sleep; less ideally, this means getting some caffeine).

My brain's more like Tik-Tok's inner workings. Everything works well enough, but it isn't built around a single mainspring like yours. Instead, I've got several different keys that need winding, and each inner working seems to run down at a different rate, so over the course of a day I may discover that one or more of my executive thought processes has run down. Maybe it's my action; if so, I may have a lot of great ideas and be able to express them well, but I can't find the motivation to accomplish them. Maybe it's my speech; I may be thinking and acting in full hyperfocus mode (the way I was when I was composing this piece... around 3:30 a.m.), but unable or unwilling to stop long enough to explain what I'm doing. And maybe it's my thinking; in this mode I may speak or act on complete, thoughtless impulse, often deeply embarrassing myself or hurting others in the process.

I'm not stupid or lazy. My brain works exactly as it was designed to work. It just isn't synchronized like yours is, and sometimes parts of it run down unexpectedly. Like you, I can patch the problem temporarily with sleep or caffeine, but my brain remains fundamentally asynchronous. Because my life is a constant mental juggling contest, I've developed some workarounds to deal with situations when parts of my brain need rewinding. Others with brains like mine get temporarily synchronized by using stimulant medication, behavioral therapy, or a combination of both. It's different for everyone.

Executive function deficits aren't fun to deal with, but sometimes having a Tik-Tok brain can be useful. People with non-synchronized brains perceive the world around them in novel ways, and can come up with unusual or creative solutions to problems. There's a scene in the movie that I won't describe in detail (because spoilers) where Tik-Tok is able to help his friends out of serious danger by pretending his action has run down. The so-called design flaw of his wind-up workings temporarily becomes a strategic advantage.

I'm not trying to make excuses for bad behavior; executive function deficits don't excuse bad behavior at all. But I would like more people to understand a little of what it's like to deal with a brain that doesn't naturally sync up. And I hope more people will understand that when a friend of theirs with executive function deficits spaces off a date, hyperfocuses on something, or says or does something weird, it's not because that friend doesn't care about the friendship. In fact, true friends are often very dear to people with executive function issues, because with our partly-unwound brains it's hard for us to make and keep friends. Please be patient with us as we figure out some way to get the several run-down parts of our brains wound up again.

Thanks for reading.