Thursday, August 12, 2010

What part of "No Soliciting" don't you understand?!

A few years ago I got completely fed up with door-to-door salespeople knocking and ringing at all hours, interrupting our dinner and otherwise being colossal pains in the gluteus. I therefore composed the following sign for my front door (which you are free to reuse if you believe it may help):
PLEASE
NO SOLICITING*

*Recently some people have been confused by our sign, so here's the fine print: "No Soliciting" means we do not purchase goods or services from door-to-door sales people; we have chosen our religious, charitable, and political party affiliations; and we have no desire to subscribe to anything or take a survey of any kind. If you are unsure whether your product, message or service is considered soliciting, the answer is "Yes it is, so please go away."
Despite this extensive (though perhaps not exhaustive) definition of soliciting, we occasionally still get people who seem to believe that somehow our sign does not apply to them. In those cases, there is but one logical response: "I'm very sorry, but I make it a point never to do business with the illiterate. Goodbye." *click*

Of course, I still need to cover the sign on Halloween. Trick-or-treaters, come and get it!

5 comments:

MarieC said...

I'm seriously going to start using your illiterate statement!! Love it!!

Soozcat said...

Ha! Do eet!

Wendy Jean said...

The first time I saw your big sign I laughed because the never work aroun here... people either can't read or can't read english! Drives me nuts! i just don't answer the door!

Soozcat said...

I'm getting to the point where if I don't expect visitors, I just don't bother to answer. I need to come up with a better method. Maybe a driveway cam... hmmm....

Soozcat said...

BTW, I have a new sign I'm about to put up:

NO SOLICITING*

*We used to have a specific definition of "soliciting" here, but since so many people can't read, I'll make it even simpler:

IF WE DON'T RECOGNIZE YOU
AND WE AREN'T EXPECTING YOU,
WE WON'T OPEN THE DOOR FOR YOU.


You're welcome. Now go away.