Tuesday, January 27, 2015

A modest proposal to anti-vaxxers: Rubellaville

Much has already been said (and will probably continue being said) on both sides of the Vaccination Divide about the recent Disneyland measles outbreak. I've ruminated on it with a certain amount of personal concern, since among my extended family and friends are individuals who cannot be vaccinated (too young, too old, too immune-compromised) and who rely heavily on the blessing of herd immunity not to catch communicable diseases that could be harmful or fatal to them. I've also been thinking about the demands of anti-vaccination advocates that it's their right not to immunize their children, and considering the old phrase "Your right to swing your fist ends at the tip of my nose." I've realized we need a solution that's fair to all parties. And, if I may be excused for a certain amount of shameless self-promotion, I think I've come up with a cracking good one.

Let's say you don't want to immunize your family, because UNNATURAL! or GUMMINT! or TOXINS! or AUTISM! (long since debunked, but whatevs) or any other daft reason that wends its way into your little noggin. That's fine by me; after all, it's your decision. But I assume that, as a decent human being with a love of your fellow man, you also don't want the death of anyone else's three-month-old infant, delicate grandma, cancer-surviving mom or HIV-positive uncle forever on your conscience. So I'm sure you won't mind if we relocate ALL of you to the vaccination-free paradise of Rubellaville, a purpose-built town in the remotest section of White Pine County, Nevada.

Of course, this is just an illustration. There won't be cars in the REAL Rubellaville.
Rubellaville will be a model community for the inoculation-free, with all standard municipal services, solar- and wind-powered energy, community gardens and composting bin, state-of-the-art transit system that goes everywhere in town (no need for nasty polluting cars), full-sized Whole Foods grocery, and regular visits from Amazon.com delivery drones. But this anti-vaxx utopia comes with a price: it's a one-way ticket. The town's perimeter will be strictly monitored, and no resident will be allowed to leave for any reason (including summer vacations, out-of-state family funerals, job offers in other towns, or an infectious disease outbreak in Rubellaville itself) unless and until he or she gets a full course of immunizations.

I think that's about as fair as it's possible to get, don't you?

(Oh, and before you start yelling at me about violating your God-given right to freedom of movement, a) try looking up "satire" sometime and b) this was the way Western society tried to stem the spread of highly infectious diseases like measles before the widespread availability of vaccines -- just ask your grandparents. If you want society to return to those bright halcyon decades before inoculation, you should prepare to be subjected to the full quarantine measures that went with them.)


MarieC said...

Boom! There it is! Well-stated, as usual.

Soozcat said...

Well, thank you!

Soozcat said...

Oh, I almost forgot high-speed Google Fiber in the town's list of amenities. Silly me.

djole said...

Wastin' away again in that Rubellaville.
Tryin' to find a reason to not vax,
Some people claim that there's a woman to blame,
but I know--
It's my own dang fault.