Simeon in Tel Aviv

Good news, sports fans!  We've heard from Simeon von Pumpernickel, peripatetic seeker of fame and fortune, once again.  This time it seems Simeon has successfully mailed himself to Tel Aviv, Israel.

With his winning personality, he immediately made friends with the locals.  His new friends don't even seem to mind that he has monkey pattern baldness, which suits Simeon just fine.

Simeon's eager to visit the beach, but this is the time of year in Tel Aviv when the jellyfish are out in force.  So for the nonce he's content to stroll around the city with his host family...

...and sunbathe on the balcony.  It's pleasant out there, and besides, sometimes an up-and-coming star has to work on his blue.

Simeon also occasionally likes to slide on his Jackie O'Nasties and hang out in a local café in Basel Square.  Here he is waiting for his café barad.  Many passersby have stopped to catch a glimpse of the mysterious monkey with the Hollywood good looks.  So far no one has asked him for his autograph, though.

What will Simeon get up to next?  Heaven only knows.

Where in the world is Simeon von Pumpernickel?

I'm not asking because I know. I'm asking because I'm wondering.

Has anyone been visited by a dapper blue crocheted monkey with delusions of superstardom recently? He has a fondness for having his picture taken in exotic locations, a predilection for mailing himself to new addresses without warning, and a bit of a tendency to pad his résumé.

Note: may no longer have his hat. Suffers from monkey pattern baldness.

If you've seen him, please drop us a line. Many thanks!

Simeon von Pumpernickel, partygoer

Simeon has been moody, perhaps understandably, since returning from the ill-fated cruise.  However, on Saturday his spirits were lifted a bit as he was invited to a party.

All the Hello Kitty family were in attendance, and the whole house was bustling around in preparation for the big party.  Simeon felt just a wee bit left out because it was a Hello Kitty party, not a Simeon party -- but hey, a party is a party, right?  Besides, he had a fabulous crown to wear for the occasion.  Not too shabby.

Slowly things started coming together for the big day.  Emilie is turning five, and this girl KNOWS her Hello Kitty.

 Seriously.  Simeon was astounded.

Sandrine baked not one but TWO cakes, one of them a Hello Kitty cake.  Sadly, neither one was a Simeon cake (or better yet, Simeon's favorite dessert: Bananas Foster), but they were both pretty styling, don't you think?

All the guests seemed to agree.  Even Simeon, who proceeded to drown his sorrows in rolled fondant.

(Happy birthday, Emilie!)

Simeon the lonely heart

Then it happened.

On Easter Simeon went into the bathroom to get snuggly with Terry, and she was just -- gone. No farewell, no note of explanation. Nothing. In her accustomed place was a white rabbit.

Simeon was so despondent he didn't emerge from the stateroom for several days. He even missed seeing the splendors of Egypt.

Instead, Paddington Bear went to Cairo.

He saw the pyramids, too.

Simeon's host family had to enjoy the Nile without him...

...visit the Sphinx without him...

...even see the ruins of Karnak without him.

Simeon is heartbroken, thinking with sad nostalgia about his star-crossed trip on the Love Boat. Poor monkey.

Smitten Simeon

It was hot... so hot that a crocheted monkey would understandably have trouble handling the heat. Plus, Simeon was so blissfully happy in Terry's company that he didn't want to leave the ship.

So Simeon missed seeing the desert vistas of Jordan.

He missed traveling through the Siq...

...and beholding the grand and ancient ruins of Petra. (He probably also missed seeing Indiana Jones discover the Holy Grail, for that matter.)

Deprived of Simeon's company, Emilie brought Hello Kitty along instead.

She and Julie rode a donkey! And all this Simeon missed out on because he was busy swooning and mooning. But that's how it goes when you're in love.

Simeon on the Love Boat

On April 5, after several days of great secrecy, Jean-Marc, Sandrine, Julie and Emilie took Simeon on a mysterious flight. Where am I going? he wondered. And will it make me famous?

Little did he know what was in store.

For lo, his hosts had flown him to Sharm el-Sheikh, Egypt, in order to take a luxurious cruise on the Red Sea!

Here they all are in their stateroom, excited to be under way.

Simeon and the girls decided to explore the area further. And so it was that they found...

... something very special in the restroom. Another monkey. A girl monkey. Young. Lovely. Very friendly. Her name was Terry.

Simeon was instantly smitten with her.

From then on his shipboard activities were all centered around charming the lovely Terry. Here he is practicing the piano with Julie, the better to serenade his lady friend.

He also took his chances in the casino, seeing if he could make a little more spending money. Come on, triple 7!

Simeon got plenty of exercise in the pool to spiff up his physique...

...and got plenty of rays to deepen his blue.

Love monkey overboard!

South Park Simeon

No, not that South Park.

This one, in London! Simeon had a marvelous time riding bikes with Emilie.

He also enjoyed the swings, although near the end he began to have a touch of motion sickness.

He was very excited to find that the park had a playhouse and immediately began to brush up his Richard III, but it turned out not to be that kind of playhouse.

To make up for this, he loudly declaimed the "Now is the winter of our discontent" speech while going down the slide with Julie. Passersby were delighted by his rendition, especially the way he said "Made glorious summer by this son of Yooooooooo-ha-ha-hoooieeee!" as he slid down.

And what trip to the park would be complete without hanging from the monkey bars? Made doubly authentic by an actual monkey!

But nothing will prepare you for what happened to Simeon a few days later...

April fish

In English-speaking countries someone who's taken in by a prank on April 1 is known as an "April fool."

But in France, a prank on April 1 is known as a "poisson d'avril" -- an April fish.

Apparently Simeon is interested in studying such April fishes, because that's where he was found: looking into the fishpond.

For this he was made to wear an April fish for the day. That'll larn ya, silly monkey!

Simeon was also pleased to wear another hat today, this one more seasonally appropriate.

Happy April Fool's Day, and soon Happy Easter!

Simeon goes AWOL

Oh dear. Simeon von Pumpernickel appears to be missing again.

He's been running around England, enjoying the sights...

...including the beauty of Canterbury Cathedral...

...and the lovely seaside town of Hastings.

Simeon was last seen in the company of a somewhat dodgy soccer player from Chelsea.

He was enjoying the luxury of a garden cottage...

...and the excellent local stables.

Julie and Emilie said they last saw him at a London barbecue...

...where he enjoyed the unseasonable good weather and was an enthusiastic participant.

They say he even helped them mow the lawn. But after that...

We hope Simeon will show up soon! Where could he be?

Simeon in London: British Museum day

Today is Mothering Sunday in England, and Julie and Emilie's mother wanted very much to visit the British Museum to look at the Egyptian exhibits. Simeon was also keen to go, being a monkey interested in all things cultural.

He was a little shy about going out today and showing off his monkey pattern baldness, but in the end he decided it would be all right as long as Julie was his bodyguard, so as to avoid being mugged by crowds and paparazzi. So off they went. (Emilie's wee hedgehog went along too.)

They happened to come across another visitor from the Americas -- this one from Darkest Peru. As Simeon has a relative made from Peruvian wool, they had plenty to chat about.

Ready to venture inside, with Jean-Marc, Emilie and Julie. The British Museum is free of charge for humans and simians alike.

All hail Sobekemsaf I! And his blue monkey friend! And the wee hedgehog too!

Simeon is impressed with the style and grandeur of the ancient Egyptian rulers. He is now thinking of growing an awesome Egyptian beard, as he supposes this would make him look striking and distinguished to casting directors. I don't have the heart to break it to him that blue monkeys cannot grow facial hair.

The pyramids are pretty amazing, when you think about it. Wouldn't it be cool if Simeon could visit them some day?

This mighty statue fragment says "My name is Ozymandias, king of kings!" And here you all thought the King was Elvis. But there you would be in error, O Best Beloved, for this was the original "wrinkled lip and sneer of cold command" from Memphis. (Well, Thebes, actually... but let's not quibble over details.)

It was a delightful day for Simeon -- and, we hope, for the rest of the family as well. Happy Mothering Sunday to all mums, past, present and future!